Russian Standard,

a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. For me, McFabulous, this meant going on a trip to the United States of Russia.

The trip, consisting of 25 students from different Swedish universities and our bus driver, first made stop in Helsinki, Finland. Since this report is mostly about Russia, here only some adjectives and substantives connected to the city:

sunny, cold, ferry, cathedral, hotel, sauna, good, finish, walk, frozen, hot, sea

You are almost unlimited in the way you can put these words together to get an idea of Helsinki. However, some sentences obviously make more sense than others, e.g. "the sea was frozen and it was cold, but the finish sauna in the hotel was hot" vs. "there was a cathedral in the sunny sauna which was frozen". I think you got the point!

2nd day: Crossing the Border
On the way to the Russian border we passed a lot of trucks standing beside the road and waiting to pass. According to our bus driver the "waiting line" sometimes is longer than 40 kilometers and it takes several days to pass the border. We had to show our passports several times but everything went right. At least so far, but one of our group members was stupid enough to take a picture (which is illegal of course). He was shot immediately. As we hadn't known him so well the situation was not that sad and so we left his body behind.

A few kilometers after the border our driver began writing and receiving sms busy as a bee. After some time a car which was heading towards us made a u-turn in front of us. We followed the car to the next parking area. Coincidently the man had some cigarettes and alcohol and we had the necessary mediums of exchange...

Finally we arrived in St.Petersburg. Passports to the hotel reception who had to register them (confirm that we are really staying at their hotel). For your information, entering Russia is only possible by having an invitation (whether from some Russians or by booking a hotel).

After drinking a vodka in the hotel's nightclub we finally went to bed. The next days I will tell you about our first experiences in St. Petersburg and the barbarous, hence very interesting, spectacle of an execution of two group members...

See you soon,
Fabian

Life,

as I have already told you in the previous part of my Scotland trip, my final mission was to destroy the headquarter of the SDLA (Scotland Drug Lord Association).

I asked my friend for help as I knew that it would be very difficult to accomplish the mission by myself. We took his car and drove to the location which the Department had given me. Unfortunately we got lost, so we had to ask some people at the road, how to find the secret SDLA Headquarter. When we arrived we became somewhat surprised. The Headquarter was located on an island...
What should we do? We decided to take the secret underwater tunnel, which was built during World War 2. Fortunately, we could afford the toll.

There it was, the secret Headquarter. In unbelievable few minutes I masterminded a plan, how to succeed our mission.
First, we would park the car next to the other one in exactely the same position (to save parking space). Then, McK (my friend) would move to position 2. There he would try to catch the attention of the Drugloards in the buidling by performing an outstanding spectacle, including folkdance, magic tricks, etc. Meanwhile, I would advance to position 3, climb up the wall and crouch to position number 4, placing the bomb I had handicrafted in accordance to a McGyver's Guide.

The plan was so good, nothing could go wrong. And so we parked the car and moved to our positions. McK did his best performance and it was difficult for me not to watch him perform. But professional as I am I resisted and placed the bomb at the intended position. Till the bomb would explode, I still had some time left, so I decided to have a look at the interior of the secret Headquarter:I looked at my watch and realized the bomb would explode in several minutes. I ran out of the building and jumped into the car in which my friend was already waiting. As we drove away with app. 200 km/h we heard the noise of the exploding headquarter behind us. It was like: "Krazkabumtschakakakakarrumbumbumraffdidida". The first time after being discredeted to an ex-special agent, I saw my friend smiling again. We said goodbye to each other and I flew back to Sweden. There I got my remuneration, spending 10 days with the amazing "Vanessa Wartusch" (see picture below).Right now I am sitting in my room, relaxing from the stresses and strains of being a secret agent. Nobody is in the flat share instead of me. Oh wait, there is some noise coming from the corridor...mmhhhh sounds Russian. Strange, actually no Russian is living h..................... ......................Peng........................................Arrrrr.................................."You bastards"......... ......................Kabumm...........................Paf............"Петербурга принять"................................. ......Paf......................Bang......................."девушкой весны, McFabulous"........................

Welcome to the 2nd part about my mission in Scotland,

because of my extraordinary abilities, the Stockholm Police Department had ordered me to go on a secret mission to Scotland. After I had successfully observed a drug handing over, I was almost killed by a bomb in a Kebab.

The next day of my trip, I had some free time since I still had some hours of overtime from my previous missions for the Swedish State. I decided to do some sightseeing in and around Edinburgh. My friend, the ex-secret agent accompanied me. When I was visiting Edinburgh castle I witnessed something distressing. A woman, probably 35 years old, was stealing a child. Even though I was standing next to the site of crime I couldn't interfere as I wasn't on duty at this moment. Also, I didn't want to destroy the woman's luckiness, because she was able to avoid the sometimes very nerve-racking process of getting a child in the ordinary way...

I had seen enough. Like always I left an incomprehensible message.
Exactely after a certain amount of time, I suddenly got a sms from Stockholm Police Department on my mobile phone. The message (translated into English) was like this: "Hej Fabian. How are u doing in Scotland? Everything is fine here, but guess who is dating who??? I will tell you when you are back. By the way, we have located the secret head-quarter of SDLA. Please blow it up...Cu." Of course I was very excited to get to know who was dating who, but first I had to accomplish the mission, to destroy the SDLA (Scotland Drug Lord Association) HQ...

Hej folks,

Although many people didn't expect it, I made it back to Växjö from my very dangerous journey to Scotland. I know that many newspapers have written about my trip, but here is the whole truth:

Just minutes after I got the letter from the Stockholm Police Department, I took the most essential things and began my journey. As some of you might not have served as a secret agent so far, I should explain some things which are of paramount importance when being on a mission:

• Never tell any personal details about yourself, even if a hot woman asks you (this happens more often than you might think...). This includes your name, birthdate, gender and favourite food and colour.
• Always shoot into a room before entering, just in case there is someone who wants to harm you.
• Be as naturally as possible, e.g. if you are on a mission in France always carry a baguette and behave feminin/gay, in Mexico always wear a weapon and mexican hat and sing all the time, in Germany carry a beer and wear Lederhosen and don't smile and in Sweden you should wear H&M clothes and don't talk to anyone unless you pretend to be drunk...

However, this is theory. On a mission you will sometimes face situations in which you can't stick to these rules. Whatever, let's move on with my story.

After packing my things I immediately caught the plane to Glasgow and then the train to Edinburgh, the Capital of Scotland.A friend of mine picked me up at the centralstation (he was also a secret agent once, but he wasn't good enough because he couldn't handle the job mentally...).

The Stockholm Police Department had got the information that a secret handing over of drugs would take place in the center of Edinburgh. I was supposed to take pictures to put these bastards on trial. And there the first person appeared. From the look of its face I could see that the "duck" had something illegal in mind... Like always, I was right. Just a couple of minutes later Santa Clause and a reindeer appeared. The gathering was complete. The handing over took place. The Santa Clause and Reindeer were only the middlemen. They passed over the drugs to a Sunflower which began selling them to the main druglords of Edinburgh...

After seeing so many people buying drugs I also became hungry and decided to go to a Kebab House. It was already dark outside. I entered the shop. The weired looking turkish guy said: "Merhaba abi. Bir tane Döner istiyormusunuz?" In perfect Turkish I responded "Evet." After a certain amount of time I got my Kebab, but something seemed strange. From my experiences in Turkey I knew that no Turkish man would ever forget to offer a tea. I reacted immediately, threw the Kebab on the ground and ran out of the shop. What I expected happened. The "turkish" guy had placed a bomb in my kebab, which exploded just after I jumped out of the danger zone.

However, I still was in immense danger since the evil guys had noticed that I survived their trap. I ran as fast as I could but one guy chased me, probably having in mind to kill me. After a while I became bored running away, so I decided to stop and beat up the evil guy. His teeth were flying in every direction like a firework, when I punshed in his face. Covered with blood he told me that he actually didn't want to harm me. We went to the Pub and got drunk. My first part of the mission was a complete success...

See you soon,
Fabian